Current mood:

painfully dry

What Is Fundoplication? And Is It Fun?
Sometimes I wonder if Bikerbaer and I ain't twinzee's, somewhere out there in Outer Space. He has a bad stomach, therefore I have a bad stomach.

Good listeners of The Duke & Banner Show have noticed that I haven't been there, exactly. This is because I am really, really sick. Last week I was in the ER twice, doubled up in pain and unable to eat or drink anything. And the cure, as I'm reading about it, really ain't all that great.

"Fundoplication" ain't what the name implies. It ain't fun. It's where they open you up and sew up your stomach. ICK!

So far, so good, until you read the fine print that sez: "About 3 out of 10 people who have surgery...have new problems (such as difficulty swallowing, intestinal gas, or bloating) after the surgery. These new symptoms may or may not respond to treatment with medicines."

Funny thing: I've never been in a hospital. I've never had surgery. But when I was a kid, I had a vision that when I did eventually get into a hospital, that would be it. That would mean the end.

The official doc endoscopic report sez: "The patient has quite a large hiatal hernia...proximal 25% of the stomach invaginates up into the distal esophagus..." In other words, 25% of my stomach is cut off and being knotted up by wayward muscles.

The Wet Alternative

I love what an acupuncturist friend of mine came up with. His idea is hydrotherapy. The basic premise is, if all the muscles are loosened, then...by bouncing...the stomach will fall back into place. So here's the scenario: Take a long hot shower or throw a hot tub party...drink a cup water...relax...bounce. Repeat.

Oh! This opens up a whole new opportunity for me to shower with friends!! Just think...it'll be medicinal...the doc ordered it, and it will keep me out of surgery.

You do want to keep me away from the man with the sharp scalpel, don't you?